Auto Ethnography Final copy
Nicholas Mongell
English 101
Marlen Harrison
March 30, 2009
“I”’s affect on my writing
When I first came into this semester, I had set goals for myself. I was in a rough spot with my academic career already and I was focused and determined to go through with achieving a good passing grade in my English class. What detoured me the most was the fact that I wasn’t confident with writing, ever. I can be the first to admit that I half assed my way through my high school college prep classes walking away with a B average. Over all I felt as though I was a smart, capable writer who just needed to put more into his work.
This class was meant to teach me how to be a good effective writer; it was supposed to help me learn how to express my ideas thoughts and points of views on paper. I don’t think I fully reached this stage in my writing career, but the class actually taught me much more than just writing skills. It has taught me to find the hidden skills in college courses. I can now say that, without a doubt, this course has made my mind work harder than any class before. By revisiting my papers throughout this past semester, I can point out many key points in my own writing process that shows what type of person I am. As ridiculous as it sounds, this class actually helped me find out who I am.
Throughout this entire course I have created an identity. This identity is shown in my writing through my choice of words, structure, and my methodical process in how I write. By writing this paper, I wish to show examples of how my identity has shown through in my writing and how I can use these examples to give a hard definition of who I am as a writer.
The first assignment that really made me think was Kawai’s, “What Is I?” paper. At first, I viewed this assignment as just another paper, not really putting much thought into it and trying to complete the assignment by answering the question simply. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until recently that I applied the question “What Is I?” into my own life. I came to the conclusion that “I” is the end product of me. “I” is created by the things that influence me, my like, my dislikes, and who I am as a whole. Now knowing what “I” is to me, I can look back at all my work done within this semester and explain why a paper is written this way or that way, or how I came up with this idea.
When looking back into my original response to “What Is I?,” I find an excellent example of my identity as a writer shining through.
“Personally this makes me think that ‘I’ is always assumed to be about the physical self, such as ‘I like to ride bikes’ could be interpreted the same as ‘riding bikes is a passion of mine’.”
This excerpt shows that when I am faced with a question, I try to find a clean cut answer- something that is inside a box and doesn’t overstep boundaries. I also want to note, that even though at this point I was thinking inside the box, I said “physical self” as apposed to a mental self. This, I believe, is a great example of how I write; when I try to explain things on paper, I have a different mind set and I tend to write outside the box without knowing. I would also like to note that distinguishing between mental and physical will come up many times in my later essays.
“What Is I?” may have been the most important assignment to me at this point in time, but Anne LaMott’s, “Shitty First Drafts” was the first real influence on my writing style. This reading was one that I always referred to throughout the year. It fed the idea into my head that every paper is not going to be perfect in one draft; it may take multiple drafts for it to even be acceptable. With that in mind, it made me a more of a confident writer within my blogs and essays. It made me less timid and more likely to put something in my papers or writings that I would think would be a risk. It gave me a new mind set. Instead of sitting down to do a paper and thinking, “Well, I need to have X amount of info on this topic, X amount of info on this topic, this needs to have 3 citations, grammar needs to be perfect, etc., etc., etc.” I would think “This is my first draft, I’m going to write my thoughts and my ideas down on paper. It doesn’t need to be perfect. This is my shitty first draft.” This makes me feel extremely relaxed when writing and I contribute a lot of my success to that.
Getting through my first essay was surprisingly easy. It had only taken me one minor revision and it was graded. Reading this essay now, compared to some of my previous blog entries and previous high school papers, I can see a huge difference in my writing style. Most of it I can credit towards my new relaxed approach to writing thanks to Anne LaMott and my second I would have to attribute to lovely Diana Ackerman. At first, I was really dreading reading “A Natural History of the Senses,” but now, I can appreciate her writing style and its influence on me. Her down to earth sense of writing and her sexual oriented twists on her writing related back to me and made it interesting and enjoyable.
My first essay showed a lot about my writing personality. It showed that when I write, I like to be very descriptive. Even though the genre was narrative, it included many descriptive qualities that tend to show up in other essays. Also, this essay is the first piece of writing that actually lets me write as me. For example, in my previous writing carrier I was always taught to write a formal paper – not to use “I” and no profanity. This was the first paper I could say “fuck that” and actually write what was on my mind and be truthful to what happened. A perfect example of my descriptiveness would be this small paragraph from my essay, “The Peking Garden”.
“Three hours later, school was finally out and I was ready to go. It was four o’clock and my stomach was starting to get antsy since I skipped lunch. I was thinking about making a sandwich, ham and cheese sounded wonderful right about now. It was making my mouth start to salivate. Just one quick sandwich- white bread, honeysuckle ham, and American cheese, the norm. That will hold me over until midnight when I can gorge myself with buttery, salty popcorn. I went to my kitchen and got out the bread, but the next thing I know is my doorbell is ringing. I look outside and to my surprise it was my friends ready to get going. Who would have thought that day dreaming about a ham sandwich would have taken up an hour?! That part of the story in itself taught me a lesson on procrastination and initiative.” (The Peking Garden 2)
I was really pleased with this paragraph. I thought that I wasn’t formal and I felt as if I was talking to a friend. This also shows another characteristic of my writing identity, my view on the audience. At this point in the course, audience wasn’t something that was heavily stressed, but it was talked about. I can say from that point on, I tend to view my audience as someone who I can call a friend. I try to avoid viewing my audience as a superior or a teacher because that’s how I have been forced to view them as throughout my entire life.
I thought about Ackerman’s writing style, and I looked at it as a way to include “I” in my writing, yet be informative. It taught me how to explain my views in more than one way. In my first essay on taste, I tried to break away from my normal style of writing and used techniques I had picked up from LaMott and Ackerman. The paper was a narrative and I wrote it as if though I was talking to a friend. I used the same type of language and kept it somewhat personal. This is one of the things I attribute to my success of my paper and future papers.
Moving on through the semester, I came to my 2nd essay on vision. This essay is one that I never really liked and i am still currently correcting. Even though I do not like this paper, I can learn a lot about myself through reading it. While I look over it, I see that I am trying to explain a picture in detail but I have no goals or aims for the paper. In other words, I am just writing a huge essay describing a picture. This shows a great deal of immaturity as a writer. It tells me that I haven’t organized my goal statements, which I know is very crucial for me to have set in stone before I write a successful paper. To make this paper come out as a respectable gradable essay I wrote a reasoning letter at the end describing why I think it fits the descriptive genre. I believe, as I had stated before, that it was a 5 page paper describing a paper. I believe I used some very good descriptive passages. One of my favorites that shows my skill at writing these passages would be this one.
“Arthas took this time to strike. Lifting his sword into the air as if it was as light as a feather, he moved at lightening speeds. He then jumped into the air, slashing his blade furiously through the air flashing as bright as to blind anyone in its path. It cut through Illidans chest like a knife through butter. His blood melted through the snow all the way to the barren, rocky ground beneath it, staining whatever it reached.”( A visual Skirmish 4)
The third essay I had written was on smell. I had used a definitive genre and overall, I really had enjoyed writing this essay. My first draft I had one noticeable problem, I did not make the length requirement. This was one of those “I’ve written everything on my mind that I have, what else can I do?” What I like to call “fuck” moments. When I was faced with this situation, I learned how to truly appreciate the reason why Marlen pushed us to write goal statements before our blogs and previous papers. Reading through my goal statement, I noticed where and what I could elaborate on and what I could add into my essay allowing me to add enough in to meet the page requirement without my paper being boring and full of rambling.
By the time I had finished this essay I wasn’t feeling the same as I did at the beginning. I actually think I turned it into a decent essay. The thing that I think I had changed that made it this way was my opener. I through out a very descriptive opener, and added a new first sentence. “Raw, strong coffee beans, fresh air from an open window, and of course the ever dreaded smell of sweat.” (Daily Ritual of Aromas 1) I believe this once again shows that im a strong descriptive writer no matter what genre I am writing in.
After this paper, I went through another incredible process that made me improve as a writer, the peer editing process. At first, I didn’t know how to feel about this experience. I wasn’t making a big deal out of it, until I actually had to do it. I felt as if I had to be critical as I held someone else’s grade in my hands. Not only that, but I also felt that I’m not an expert writer, so I don’t truly have to over analyze there paper; I soon learned this to hold true. My approach to this was pretty simple. Just like an essay, I would set my goals on what I wanted to look for. First, read their goal and pre-writing statements. Then, read through their essay, read the post writing info, and the grade the rubric. I enjoyed this experience a lot. By reading another peer’s paper, it allows me to see how other people in my position are writing. I don’t consider it cheating or copying, but rather learning because I’m gaining different ideas from there styles of writing.
My fourth essay brought around nothing very new or exciting to me as a writer, but the fact of consistency. The essay writing process, to me, was just now beginning to feel natural. At this time I was not thinking to myself “Fuck, I have a 5 page paper to write this sucks,” but rather of “I have a paper to write. This is easier than my other work.” I think that my writing at this point has gotten as good as it can be for the semester and I can say in retrospect that this isn’t true at all. When I reread my paper after the peer editing process I see that I have a problem construing my point of view in my writing without confusion. I tend to often confuse the reader more as I talk about something.
The beginning of my essay has a story to it that started out bad but actually has a good result. When I first got my peer editing project back, my partner said I had a week introduction and week hook for attention. At the time I was thinking to myself “ill give you an introduction alright, why don’t I just punch you in the face?” I would like the reader to know that I don’t mean this literally. I turned that statement though, into my introduction. “Writing typing, texting and getting punched in the face all have things in common.” (The Many Facades of Touch 1) I believe this was a semi decent introduction and I’m quiet pleased.
Moving to my fifth paper, I had more anxiety in the beginning compared to any other assignment. I think what brought this about was Marlen’s last remark before leaving class on the Friday before it was due. He said “Guys this is your last essay, so show me your best.” Immediately I began to think that this can not be a shitty first draft, so I took a new approach to my pre-writing. Like usual, I began writing my pre-writing goals and defining what I wanted to do and explain in my paper. I then began mind mapping and came up with two possible routes for my paper and narrowed it down into two different genres. I then began writing a paper on the pros and cons of hearing and comparing it to the other senses. By the time I had three pages written, I was completely disgusted with what I had written and felt like I wasn’t meeting any of my goals. Before I went as far to scrap it, I called my sister to peer read it through an email. She didn’t critique it as hard as I did, but the end choice resulted in me rewriting the entire paper over again. This time, I took my best points from my first paper as something to add into my goals.
When I had finally finished my essay on hearing, I was able to take a step back and look at my progress on this assignment and compare it to the other essays. Over all, I spent much more time and work on this essay for a first draft compared to the other. Personally I believe this effort showed. I believe my interests and key points were clearer than the ones in my other papers and I had a relatively easy time writing my paper. Because of the extremely long pre-writing process I went through, I had an easy time putting my thoughts and ideas on paper. I think for future papers, in other subjects, I will take the time to do this again.
The end of essay five is the point where I really can say I learned what “I” is. “I” was defined in all of my essays. This is what I think “I” is in my writing:
“I” is my first thoughts on assignment when I learn of it. “I” is my thought process on organizing an essay. “I” is how I feel when writing a paper. “I” is how I write an essay through my eyes. “I” is my sense of gratification when the first draft is done. “I” is how I refine my essays.
Outside of my writing, I have learned a lot about myself asking the question “What Is I?” “I” is my point of view on everything in the world and the way I let the world affect me. It is a paradox. To define what is “I” is to use your point of view and putting your interests into it. I have defined who I am as a writer by writing. I believe that is the only way it can be done. Writing is the single most way of expressing yourself, and I believe this contradicts the age old saying of “actions speak louder than words.” Actions do not tell you what you think about something, how you would react to it, what you do not like about it or anything very descriptive compared to writing. A good example of this would be the workshop on hearing. We were using our sense of hearing to stereotype people by there taste of music. I disagreed with this a lot, but I did not show it in any way other than in my blog responses.
Over all, I have found out through my writing that I am a very descriptive writer and that I’ve earned the right to use larger and avant-garde adjectives to describe something. I also have learned that I am a very straight forward writer. I like to tell my audience what I’m going to be talking about by using a phrase such as, “Before I begin, my paper will contain,” or “Throughout this paper I will be…” to explain how I will be organizing my thoughts.
As poorly as I am doing in this class, it has taught me that the writing process is similar to life in general. When you begin something, you need to organize your thoughts and roughly plan ahead. When you begin your first attempt, its ok if it turns out shitty, but the second time around I should learn from mistakes to make progress. Recently in life I have gone through a terribly shitty experience. I was denied yet again into the music department. My life and passion are blocked now. I can look at this with the view of a shitty first draft. I say to myself ok, I did this and it didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to. Now I just have to revise my life so it turns out acceptable to me.
Through this class, I have learned I am a procrastinator. I have learned that I am indecisive on where I stand on topics that come up that I write about (all of my papers show characteristics of my indecisiveness). From the unclear motives in my papers, to the neutral style of writing in all of my essays, this is quite evident. I also have learned that maybe who I think I am, isn’t really true; I have to dig deeper.
I’m hoping to take something away from this course other than just writing skill – organization. I really need to organize my life and my priorities if I’m going to make it to where I want to be. It’s taken me a long time to figure this out, but it’s finally hit me. I need to stop procrastinating and get things done if I’m ever going to accomplish anything in my life. This class has made me sit down and organize things in papers, now I just have to apply this concept to more important and urgent aspects of my life. Maybe with this skill I can turn my life around and find something that gives me a benefit.
Works Cited
Mongell, Nicholas. The Peking Garden.
Mongell, Nicholas. A visual Skirmish
Mongell, Nicholas. Daily Ritual of Aromas
Mongell, Nicholas. The Many Facades of Touch
